I don't permit my wife to...
I read articles from sources with which I disagree. My husband does to. He insists that it is good for our minds. But yesterday, while researching a Bible study topic, I stumbled upon an article which sounded familiar to me. Halfway through, I realized that I had read it before. The article was published by a popular Christian theology website; however, the author was not well known. The topic was relevant, the biblical application was semi-solid, but the tone was the most revealing. The author, a male, was concerned with false teaching in women's Bible studies. I share a similar concern. However, he actually wrote this line, "I was wary of letting my wife participate in a study involving..." I read the line again, just to be sure I understood what he was saying.
In our home, I ask for my husband's advice on a lot of things, as he does me. We talk about theology, politics, money, raising children, and our dreams. We have a lot of similarities and we have some interesting differences. However, I don't recall ever asking my husband if he would let me go to Bible study, nor do I ask his permission on everything as if I'm a child. So where does this line of thinking come from? Well, I've heard it before, so I believe they draw from a specific verse pulled out of context in Ephesians which reads "Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." (Ephesians 5:24) Yes, pulled out of context, this verse might seem to give husbands unlimited jurisdiction over their wives. And people who crave power and authority would be hasty to interpret it that way. But if we continue reading to the next verse, we find that the call on a husband's life is not unlimited authority, but rather unlimited love. Ephesians 5:25 reads, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Jesus' life was marked by teaching and wisdom, love and sacrifice, authority and grace. Husbands would be wise to take note.
This author is a bit confused in his role. Though he has reason to be concerned regarding his wife's new found Bible study, he is misusing his authority. It would have been better for him to say, "I was wary of the content being taught in my wife's Bible study, so we decided to have a conversation about it." I believe a husband is the head of a home. But his responsibility isn't to control the other person or demand certain behaviors. It isn't Christ-like to withhold free will. Does that mean wives we should go about sinning? Of course not! (See Romans 6.) But if a husband believes he can force his wife into doing what he wants, there is no biblical support for that position.
Here's the deal. In our home, we try to live biblically. We may fail, but we try nonetheless. I manage all of the money. I decide how much goes into investments, what our budget looks like 20 years down the road, and pay all the bills. Never once did I ask my husband's permission to pay a bill. The money responsibility falls on my shoulders. My husband works a lot, but he does all the ironing in the house and a lot of laundry. Never once did he demand that I do the laundry or ironing because I'm a woman. Truthfully, we always try to help one another and consult each other. We're open and honest. Sometimes we arrive at an impasse, and I'll defer to him. But often Derik tells me to make the final call because he believes I have the experience and knowledge to make the best decision. Other times, he makes the final call because he has more experience and knowledge in the area. Both of us have really messed up on final calls, but we've extended forgiveness to the other person, and it only helps our marriage grow.
I love my husband dearly. I would do anything for him that wasn't sinful. However, he makes it easy, because he loves me dearly and always puts my needs before his own. We make a great team. Neither of us tries to control the other. It is true, I point out his sins, and he points out mine. But ultimately, we both submit to the Word of God. We also attempt to make decisions together. He doesn't ask my permission and I don't ask his. Instead, we ask for input and desire to do what is best for the other person and our family. It is wrong to pick out a verse from the Bible and argue that God granted you power to get your own way. In fact, that would make a mess of a marriage. Perhaps "Mr. I don't let my wife..." should rethink the totality of a husband's biblical role in the home.
In our home, I ask for my husband's advice on a lot of things, as he does me. We talk about theology, politics, money, raising children, and our dreams. We have a lot of similarities and we have some interesting differences. However, I don't recall ever asking my husband if he would let me go to Bible study, nor do I ask his permission on everything as if I'm a child. So where does this line of thinking come from? Well, I've heard it before, so I believe they draw from a specific verse pulled out of context in Ephesians which reads "Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything." (Ephesians 5:24) Yes, pulled out of context, this verse might seem to give husbands unlimited jurisdiction over their wives. And people who crave power and authority would be hasty to interpret it that way. But if we continue reading to the next verse, we find that the call on a husband's life is not unlimited authority, but rather unlimited love. Ephesians 5:25 reads, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her." Jesus' life was marked by teaching and wisdom, love and sacrifice, authority and grace. Husbands would be wise to take note.
This author is a bit confused in his role. Though he has reason to be concerned regarding his wife's new found Bible study, he is misusing his authority. It would have been better for him to say, "I was wary of the content being taught in my wife's Bible study, so we decided to have a conversation about it." I believe a husband is the head of a home. But his responsibility isn't to control the other person or demand certain behaviors. It isn't Christ-like to withhold free will. Does that mean wives we should go about sinning? Of course not! (See Romans 6.) But if a husband believes he can force his wife into doing what he wants, there is no biblical support for that position.Here's the deal. In our home, we try to live biblically. We may fail, but we try nonetheless. I manage all of the money. I decide how much goes into investments, what our budget looks like 20 years down the road, and pay all the bills. Never once did I ask my husband's permission to pay a bill. The money responsibility falls on my shoulders. My husband works a lot, but he does all the ironing in the house and a lot of laundry. Never once did he demand that I do the laundry or ironing because I'm a woman. Truthfully, we always try to help one another and consult each other. We're open and honest. Sometimes we arrive at an impasse, and I'll defer to him. But often Derik tells me to make the final call because he believes I have the experience and knowledge to make the best decision. Other times, he makes the final call because he has more experience and knowledge in the area. Both of us have really messed up on final calls, but we've extended forgiveness to the other person, and it only helps our marriage grow.
I love my husband dearly. I would do anything for him that wasn't sinful. However, he makes it easy, because he loves me dearly and always puts my needs before his own. We make a great team. Neither of us tries to control the other. It is true, I point out his sins, and he points out mine. But ultimately, we both submit to the Word of God. We also attempt to make decisions together. He doesn't ask my permission and I don't ask his. Instead, we ask for input and desire to do what is best for the other person and our family. It is wrong to pick out a verse from the Bible and argue that God granted you power to get your own way. In fact, that would make a mess of a marriage. Perhaps "Mr. I don't let my wife..." should rethink the totality of a husband's biblical role in the home.
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