Killing Spiders

One night as we were lying in bed watching basketball on TV in the dark of our room, my husband spotted the shadow of a spider slowly lowering himself from the ceiling.  Derik promptly jumped out of bed and killed it.  My hero!  I am not a fan of spiders, especially in my bedroom dangling over my bed at night!  In that moment, I was very grateful for my spouse!  Killing spiders, though necessary, is not something I enjoy.  In fact, the children are allowed to earn change killing ants, spiders, and flies in the house.  There is a bounty on every insects' head!

The relationship with my husband is mostly enjoyable.  We tend to get along well, but it wasn't always the case.  The first few years of our marriage were difficult.  He had just left the Army and had a certain idea of how a household should be run.  I had gone through a divorce and was dealing with malicious accusations and meddling from my ex-husband.  We were two broken people attempting to build a solid marriage and household.  We did not always do this well.  One day Derik said to me, "My soldiers don't question me!"  I sneeringly laughed and reminded him that I was never a soldier, let alone 'his' soldier.  We did not always say or do things that were the best choice for for our marriage!

And yet, here we are in a solid, committed, loving relationship.  How did that happen?  According to the American Psychological Association, nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, while Psychology Today states that for those who are married, 60% are unhappily married.  This is a serious problem!  Life becomes a lot less enjoyable when you have promised to share it with someone you dislike.  So we turned to God's Word for help.

It is interesting that marriage for love is rather a new idea.  Throughout history until this day, the majority of marriages were arranged.  Don't get me wrong, I'm very thankful that I love my husband and he loves me!  But sometimes we don't feel like we love each other.  Does that mean our marriage is doomed?  No.  Nowhere in the Bible does it say that emotional love is a prerequisite for a good marriage.  Instead Ephesians 5:33 reads "However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."  

Men are instructed to show at least as much love towards their wife as they do towards themselves.  In other words, a man's selfishness does not get to win.  And wives are told to respect their husbands.  In other words, a wife does not have the right to belittle and reprimand their husband to his face or behind his back.  Unhappy marriages are filled with many unique situations and variables.   And to have to endure life with a mean, selfish, uncaring, backbiting spouse would not appeal to anyone.  But we can choose to focus on what our spouses do well and forgive them when they sin. (For one, I am thankful that my husband kills spiders!)  We can choose to love and respect the other person even when they do not show us love and respect.  We must accept that we cannot change our spouse; we can only change our own behavior.  And we must trust that God is always in control.  No marriage is perfect, but every marriage can improve.  When we obey God's instructions for marriage, we will be better off than when we disobey.  It is my prayer that God will help all of us be better spouses and have stronger marriages.