Good Parenting
For 15+ years, I taught in a classroom. Teachers see lots of different kinds of parents - from absent, to helicopter, and everything in between. Seemingly good parents can be found in all continents, cultures, and religions. But what makes a parent good?
Personally, I like my children to behave. I want them to be responsible and take responsibility. They should be respectful, kind, and loving towards others. My children are expected to work hard and make wise choices. But even if they accomplish all of that, it doesn't make me a good parent. Don't get me wrong, I love to have these kinds of kids in class and in my home. But raising well-behaved, healthy, well-adjusted, and intelligent kids isn't the ultimate goal. It is a lesser goal. A lesser goal that hopefully will be accomplished by chasing after the greater goal.
A good parent isn't defined by the success of their children. A good parent is defined by their motives. However, that last statement needs some clarification, because motives and desires are not the same. For instance, if I desire for Billy to do his homework, but Billy does not want to do his homework, no amount of a parent's desire will change Billy's mind. An action must accompany it. And once a desire is paired up with an action, it becomes a motive. Motives explain actions. They are the reason we do what we do.
A good parent is motivated to please Christ. I've read a lot of parenting blogs which suggest how to properly raise kids and be a good parent, but I have never read any that mention motive. Just yesterday I read a meme that said even if you don't go to church, send your kids to church. And I thought to myself, "Why? If a parent sent their kids, but did not attend church themselves, what is their motive for sending their children?"
Just as much as anyone else, I want my children to do well in life. I want teachers and youth leaders to think my kids are great. I want my children to do the right thing when others do not. I want them to be compassionate and filled with love. I want my kids to be better than I am. But they might not be. Sometimes I honestly wonder if one of my kids will end up in jail. But after they leave my home, my job as a parent morphs from raising mode to advising mode. And no parent is ever responsible for their adult child's choices.
However, one day I will stand before the Lord and give account for my parenting. He won't judge me based up on how "good" my kids turned out, but I will give account for the actions I took or did not take and my motivation behind them. If I chose not to discipline, was it because I was giving grace or being lazy? If I chose to discipline, was it because I was angry or because I was helping to instill God's moral law in them? I won't get a pass if my kids turn out great and I won't be condemned if my kids turned out poorly. I will be judged by my actions and the motives behind them.
The truth is, you cannot be a good parent if you are not a godly parent. Yes, we all make mistakes. And sometimes I have great errors in judgment. But the greatest mistake of all is not pointing your kids toward Christ. It isn't just a lapse in judgement, it is a sin.
Personally, I like my children to behave. I want them to be responsible and take responsibility. They should be respectful, kind, and loving towards others. My children are expected to work hard and make wise choices. But even if they accomplish all of that, it doesn't make me a good parent. Don't get me wrong, I love to have these kinds of kids in class and in my home. But raising well-behaved, healthy, well-adjusted, and intelligent kids isn't the ultimate goal. It is a lesser goal. A lesser goal that hopefully will be accomplished by chasing after the greater goal.
A good parent is motivated to please Christ. I've read a lot of parenting blogs which suggest how to properly raise kids and be a good parent, but I have never read any that mention motive. Just yesterday I read a meme that said even if you don't go to church, send your kids to church. And I thought to myself, "Why? If a parent sent their kids, but did not attend church themselves, what is their motive for sending their children?"
Just as much as anyone else, I want my children to do well in life. I want teachers and youth leaders to think my kids are great. I want my children to do the right thing when others do not. I want them to be compassionate and filled with love. I want my kids to be better than I am. But they might not be. Sometimes I honestly wonder if one of my kids will end up in jail. But after they leave my home, my job as a parent morphs from raising mode to advising mode. And no parent is ever responsible for their adult child's choices.
However, one day I will stand before the Lord and give account for my parenting. He won't judge me based up on how "good" my kids turned out, but I will give account for the actions I took or did not take and my motivation behind them. If I chose not to discipline, was it because I was giving grace or being lazy? If I chose to discipline, was it because I was angry or because I was helping to instill God's moral law in them? I won't get a pass if my kids turn out great and I won't be condemned if my kids turned out poorly. I will be judged by my actions and the motives behind them.
The truth is, you cannot be a good parent if you are not a godly parent. Yes, we all make mistakes. And sometimes I have great errors in judgment. But the greatest mistake of all is not pointing your kids toward Christ. It isn't just a lapse in judgement, it is a sin.
1 Samuel 16:7 - "For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."
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