Topics Christians Don't Discuss: Sex
At 9 years old, I learned about sex on a bus ride home from school. A scummy teenage boy cornered me in my seat and told me he was going to teach me some new things. Thankfully, he only used words, but the experience was inappropriate and filled with untruths. So, a few days later, I asked my mom about sex, and she proceeded to very uncomfortably tell me how animals procreate. I love my mother, but the conversation left me confused.
Being the reader I was, as soon as I could get to the library, I read about sexual reproduction. I was satisfied with the biological explanation, and until I was exposed to sex on TV, I had few other questions. But as I got older, I noticed that sex in the media was celebrated - even the goal of a relationship - while the topic of sex in the church was taboo. So, as I did when I was younger, I read some more. And then there was my grandma, who had no problem talking about sex, which was AWKWARD! However, she taught me something very important - sex wasn't a bad thing, it was a good thing in the right situation, marriage.
Consequently, as a mother, I'm not afraid to talk about sex with my children who are of the appropriate age. In fact, I make a point to do so. You see, children are exposed to so much pornography in media that none of my children age 10 and older have been able to avoid it. If we allow our children to learn about sex by secular society, they will not be taught the truth. Children teaching children perpetuates misinformation. Media teaching children portrays sex in a way that dishonors God. It may sound weird, but I want my children to have good sex lives with their spouses. I don't want them to think that sex is dirty. I want them to think it is wonderful and something to be enjoyed with their husband or wife. I also want them to have the correct information so that they aren't guessing about what sex is and what sex isn't.
Too much information? If you're uncomfortable already, you're about to get more uncomfortable. I also talk to my older children about oral sex, gay sex, std's, and pornography. We talk about it from a spiritual perspective - what is the purpose of sex, the consequences of sex, and why it is important in a marriage. We also talk about euphemisms for sex they may encounter. I never understood them as a teenager, and it bothered me growing up because I was naive about the words kids would use in place of sex. Subsequently, I became the butt of many jokes - even at a Christian school.
My teenagers aren't thrilled about talks we have. However, they listen, AND they ask questions. They know they can ask me anything, because I'm going to give them an honest answer and keep their questions confidential. Truth be told, they ask many many questions - some which most parents would find embarrassing to answer. However, if they don't ask me, where are they going to find their answers? Do I trust what a friend would tell them? Do I trust that the media will inform them properly? Do I trust that sex-ed in school will give them the biological and spiritual truth?
My oldest took sex-ed this past year at a public school. He came home and told me it was pointless, because he already knew everything. But he was surprised by how much his friends didn't know. And that is the way I want it to be. I want my kids to be informed about the way God has biologically designed us, the purpose of sex in marriage, and the emotional and physical consequences of engaging in various forms of sex outside of marriage. I also want to inform them of the dangers of integrating sex with technology.
Every person is different, but every Christian is called to teach their children spiritual truths - this includes the truth about sex. I'm sure my husband has either stopped reading by now, or is reading through squinted eyes afraid of what I might write next! Between the two of us, I am the one who talks about these things with our kids. However, he can, and would, if the children ask. I simply initiate the conversations at the appropriate age. Each parent has their own unique style of teaching, but even though one parent may take on the bulk of teaching about sex, every child needs to feel comfortable asking their parents about it.
You might be thinking, "How is she going to tie scripture into this post?" There is no one verse that tells us we must teach our children about sex. However, there are a variety of verses that apply to this topic. If you are curious, I've listed them below. There are many more than what I've listed, because the Bible isn't silent on sex. The Bible has a lot to say on the subject. And we know that the Bible will always lead us in the right direction. When it comes to uncomfortable topics, like sex, we shouldn't avoid teaching them to our children. Instead we should always base our answers on biblical truth. By doing so, we set our children up for success in life and marriage.
1 Timothy 4:12 "Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity."
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 "And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." (This includes the command about adultery.)
Hebrews 13:4 "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous."
Matthew 5:28 "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
1 Corinthians 7:5 "Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
Consequently, as a mother, I'm not afraid to talk about sex with my children who are of the appropriate age. In fact, I make a point to do so. You see, children are exposed to so much pornography in media that none of my children age 10 and older have been able to avoid it. If we allow our children to learn about sex by secular society, they will not be taught the truth. Children teaching children perpetuates misinformation. Media teaching children portrays sex in a way that dishonors God. It may sound weird, but I want my children to have good sex lives with their spouses. I don't want them to think that sex is dirty. I want them to think it is wonderful and something to be enjoyed with their husband or wife. I also want them to have the correct information so that they aren't guessing about what sex is and what sex isn't.
Too much information? If you're uncomfortable already, you're about to get more uncomfortable. I also talk to my older children about oral sex, gay sex, std's, and pornography. We talk about it from a spiritual perspective - what is the purpose of sex, the consequences of sex, and why it is important in a marriage. We also talk about euphemisms for sex they may encounter. I never understood them as a teenager, and it bothered me growing up because I was naive about the words kids would use in place of sex. Subsequently, I became the butt of many jokes - even at a Christian school.
My teenagers aren't thrilled about talks we have. However, they listen, AND they ask questions. They know they can ask me anything, because I'm going to give them an honest answer and keep their questions confidential. Truth be told, they ask many many questions - some which most parents would find embarrassing to answer. However, if they don't ask me, where are they going to find their answers? Do I trust what a friend would tell them? Do I trust that the media will inform them properly? Do I trust that sex-ed in school will give them the biological and spiritual truth?
My oldest took sex-ed this past year at a public school. He came home and told me it was pointless, because he already knew everything. But he was surprised by how much his friends didn't know. And that is the way I want it to be. I want my kids to be informed about the way God has biologically designed us, the purpose of sex in marriage, and the emotional and physical consequences of engaging in various forms of sex outside of marriage. I also want to inform them of the dangers of integrating sex with technology.
Every person is different, but every Christian is called to teach their children spiritual truths - this includes the truth about sex. I'm sure my husband has either stopped reading by now, or is reading through squinted eyes afraid of what I might write next! Between the two of us, I am the one who talks about these things with our kids. However, he can, and would, if the children ask. I simply initiate the conversations at the appropriate age. Each parent has their own unique style of teaching, but even though one parent may take on the bulk of teaching about sex, every child needs to feel comfortable asking their parents about it.
You might be thinking, "How is she going to tie scripture into this post?" There is no one verse that tells us we must teach our children about sex. However, there are a variety of verses that apply to this topic. If you are curious, I've listed them below. There are many more than what I've listed, because the Bible isn't silent on sex. The Bible has a lot to say on the subject. And we know that the Bible will always lead us in the right direction. When it comes to uncomfortable topics, like sex, we shouldn't avoid teaching them to our children. Instead we should always base our answers on biblical truth. By doing so, we set our children up for success in life and marriage.
1 Timothy 4:12 "Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity."
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 "And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." (This includes the command about adultery.)
Hebrews 13:4 "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous."
Matthew 5:28 "But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
1 Corinthians 7:5 "Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
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