My Affair

 Few things are more taboo in American society than having an affair. Sure, Hollywood glorifies them in movies and cheating is the subject of a lot of popular music. But experiencing an affair in your marriage is far from entertaining. It is probably as close to the agony of death one can get without actually dying. On one hand we celebrate adultery in the entertainment industry and minimize its damage. But on the other hand in real-life, we degrade cheaters, their marriages, their spouses, even their children. The hypocrisy is beyond astounding.

Recent surveys indicate that only 17% of cheating men and 9% of cheating women get caught. Other surveys indicate that about 70% of people in America cheat on their spouse. The veracity of these statistics are debatable. Surveys do not always conform to scientific standards for research, and let's face it. When it comes to admitting affairs, people lie. Think about it. How many people admit to having an affair? How many people sacrifice their families, their careers, their reputations to not only keep their affairs secret but to keep them going? It is sad but true, most people cheat and most people do not get caught.

Those who do get caught are often vilified by society. Cheaters are the worst of the worst, right? We've all heard the phrase, once a cheater always a cheater. We love to watch affairs in the movies and sing about them on the radio, but as soon as we identify a cheater, we're quick to label them the dregs of society. I've watched this happen, up close and personal. So, I'd like to share my story.

I've had an affair. I promised to love, cherish, and be committed to someone for the rest of my life. I meant every bit of it. I never intended to break my promise. But I did, and then I begged for forgiveness. I was repentant, and he took me back. He forgave me and he let me love him again. What's more? He promised to love me to. In fact, he never stopped loving me. 

Then, I grew frustrated, lonely, and I didn't think I was getting everything I needed from the relationship. So, once again, I stepped away to pursue what I thought I really wanted. When I ran into trouble, I realized the error of my ways and begged for forgiveness. And again, he took me back. You would think after two times, I would finally get my act together, right? How dense could I be? But no. It is so embarrassing. Unfortunately, I am a slow learner. I really intend to keep my promises and be faithful in my relationship, but when I get lonely, sad, or feel empty, I look elsewhere to get my "needs" met. I am always wrong. Sometimes I'm not even as sorry as I should be. Yet even though my repentance is imperfect and my behavior doesn't align with my intentions, he hasn't divorced me yet. I honestly want to do right. I just struggle. 

I don't deserve it. He should have kicked me to the curb years ago. Sometimes I scream at him. Sometimes I just cry. Sometimes I wonder why he would even want me when I'm so broken. But the process is always the same. I go crawling back, repentant and broken, and he never divorces me. Society would likely tell him to hold his ground and make me pay for my unfaithfulness. Many would advise that he be done with me and move on. After all, he deserves better than me.

But God says otherwise. He says He loves me perfectly even though my love for Him is so far from perfect it borders on worthlessness. When He chose me to be His child, and called me to reflect His light to a dark and broken world, He knew I would do it imperfectly. He knew I would turn my back on Him and choose sin instead of holiness. He also knew I would do it again, and again, and again. Every time I walk away, I hurt Him. I have forsaken His love for self-love. I have decided I know better and deserve better. I have devalued His gift to me and dared to accept wickedness for momentary and fleeting "fun." I am an adulterer of the faith. I have cheated on my Lord and Savior who has done no wrong. I stand guilty before Him time and time again and He still chooses me.

Keenly aware of my sin against a perfect God, I am reminded that I am no better than other sinners around me who also stand guilty before a faultless God. Still His love for me is perfect, and as He pours it into me, he expects me to direct it to others. I am called to love well - to love differently than the world. The love we give to others should not be self-serving but God glorifying It should stand out as strange and odd in a world that seeks self before all else.

Some of you may think that this was all just a ruse to make a point, but you are wrong. I honestly see myself as an adulterer who has betrayed the only perfect relationship I have ever been in. I stand guilty and deserve absolutely no forgiveness. Because I see myself this way, as a sinner in need of severe grace, I can extend that grace to those around me. How do you see yourself? Are you also guilty of having an affair? Have you asked God for forgiveness? Do you extend that same forgiveness to others that has been extended to you?

Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.  And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

Colossians 3:12-14